Hello anxious little orphans and welcome to my blog, Little Orphan Anxious! I’m Jay, your orphan mentor. It’s been a long time coming, but I’m so excited you’re here to listen to my journey. Below are some fun facts about me and my background to let you know what my blog’s all about.
Many moon cycles ago, this anxious orphan was neither anxious nor orphaned, but raised by two loving divorced parents. I grew up in Tennessee, south of Nashville in a small town.
Growing up, I tried a lot of different interests, but got the bug for performing arts in high school. Against all better judgment (and my father’s wishes) I left Tennessee and went to school in D.C. for musical theatre (or as my banker father used to say, “a degree in underwater basket weaving”.
While I was in DC, it felt like I was finally coming into my own. My sophomore year of college, I began to work professionally as an actor. I continued to work as a performer throughout college until I graduated in 2014.
From there, I began to pound the pavement as a full time artist. I bounced between DC and NYC while working various gigs and sever jobs between auditions. Despite the struggle and hustle that all performers know, I was lucky enough to book work as an actor to help pay the bills. By 25, I had performed at two Tony Award Winning Regional Theaters, received two DC Helen Hayes nominations, and joined the Actor’s union. I was feeling like hawt shit.
Back home in Tennessee, however, things were not going well. My father’s health began to rapidly decline. I was his only child, so I put my musical theatre career on hold so I could move back to Tennessee and help in any way I could. I got a job through my dad’s connections in financial securities (fake it to make it, right?) and eventually moved to an executive assistant position so I could commute easier to help out with my dad. Things, however, continued to spiral for both myself and my dad to the point that I had to step away from my job. He eventually died of liver failure in 2019 when I was 27.
I was devastated by his loss.
After this chapter, I needed a drastic change. I moved out to LA for another shot at acting, but I began to gravitate to comedy writing. I just couldn’t find the passion I once had for acting.
In 2021, my mom and best friend developed a rare and aggressive Leukemia. I have a wonderful sister on my mom’s side, but she wasn’t able to just drop her life as a teacher and new mom to be a caregiver for our mother. We made the decision for me to move in with mom and became her full-time caregiver while she fought this terrible disease. She fought for a year before passing in 2022, right after I turned 30.
This time around, I was destroyed by her loss.
*Btw, If you feel uncomfortable now, you should probably just leave because HONey, we are just warming up!
Throughout this era of life came (as one can imagine) tons of baggage, grief, and mental illness. But it also brought reflection, gratitude, and (most importantly for this blog) a catalog of morbid knowledge on dealing with parents at the end of their lives.
In my caregiver era, I would always become so frustrated trying to look up so many topics on death, aging parents, etc… I either couldn’t find anything, or it was really stuffy, impossible to follow, and not relatable to this anxious little orphan.
I started this blog to look back on life and work through my own grief, but I want my journey to help someone out there struggle with loss. I earnestly hope that my reflections and the resources provided here will help you, or someone you know, to moor our lives so we no longer feel alone in a boat, adrift in a sea of grief.
"Comedy is just tragedy plus time"